Koda

It is funny how much a person can change. Sometimes you may think, “This is who I am and I am never going to change!!” But you do it without your own consent sometimes. I have changed so much in the last few years and it’s left a great impact on my life. I have gotten so many compliments, well wishes, positive outbursts, and so much happiness than I ever have in my entire life. It is funny too when people look at me and they can’t get over how much I have changed.

In my seventh grade year, I used to be “goth”. I didn’t care what people thought of me but then again I did. I was the one who wore all black. I didn’t take care of my skin or my hair. I had big, bloody pimples everywhere. I pierced my labret (middle of the bottom lip) and thought I was bad ass. I would wear my makeup heavy and it was black all the time. I even dyed my hair black. I listened to heavy metal music. I wore the Hot Topic Tripp pants with all of the chains. I wore the big baggy shirts that made me look 5x more heavier then what I was. I hated “preps” and “jocks”. I even cut myself two times but I knew at that time that I couldn’t handle the pain so I stopped. I still even have the scars and I am a Senior in High School. I only had one really good friend that turned into my best friend and then I made another one over the internet. Both of them accepted me the way I was and I thank them so much. My youtube name is “gothiness”. 

One of my “friends” said that the clothes I wore made me look bigger than what I was. My grandmother seemed like she was always disgusted with me and the way I acted and dressed. I didn’t have that many friends. Not many people talked to me. It got to the point where a guy in my 8th grade class insulted me.

We were in the last class of the day, taking a test, and he kept hitting my chair with his boot making my chair move. He was a redneck and you know the boots that they wear. He kept on and I turned around and told him to stop and he said something along the lines of ‘What are you going to go home and cut yourself goth? You know you should do that. Go home and rid the world of you.’ Needless to say, I got up and went straight to my cousin, crying. 

I don’t know when I changed but I did and it has been the most greatest decision in my life. Today, I wear still mainly black because it suits me, but I add that splash of color some days :). My acne is almost all gone. I have scarring, blackheads, and some pimples, but most of my acne is gone. My make-up techniques have improved over the years. I think about the piercings I am getting now. And I have had the left side of my bottom lip done for…I don’t know how long. I am going to take a wild guess and say four maybe five years? I have to have tight jeans now and shirts that fit me correctly. I don’t hate anyone now and I hate using the term “preps” or “jocks” but now a days that is the only way someone can really describe someone. I have many friends now and I am glad they are my friends :). I still listen to heavy metal but I listen to more rap, rarely country, soft music. Don’t get me wrong, I still love to color my hair different crazy colors and all that but not so drastic.

You change even if you don’t want to. That is the whole thing about life. You change. Some parents won’t allow their children to let them be who they want to be but they need to. My mom kept telling everyone that what I was going through was a phase and it was true. It was a phase. It is something people have to deal with. Most people go through it. Who knows, I may change again into something totally different then what I am now. But I don’t believe it will be as drastic as going goth again haha.